Queen of the Stress Hives

On my high school cross-country team there was a year where we joked that our team sweatshirt/sweatpants combo made us look like bumble bees.  My name being Becca and as I was captain at the time, a friend of mine joked that I was the "Queen Bee"...I never imagined the hives I would reign over.  This past Monday I woke up in a full-blown attack of stress hives.  Yes, finals week is upon us here at BYU!

"Stress hives are caused by too much stress or tension in your life. When you expose your body to excessive stress, whether it be over a short period of time or a long period of time, your body's immune system starts to falter. When your immune system is off kilter, it starts sending histamine into the body to fight off what is ailing you - stress. In essence, your body forms an allergic reaction to stress. Unfortunately, stress can not be eliminated with histamine, so instead the histamine causes hives to appear on your body."  Yep.  That's me...I'm now allergic to myself! haha

This is really a unique opportunity.  In order to endure the present I have to think stress-less thoughts.  I have to take care of my body in a very moderate and careful way.  And I have to learn to rethink what are really the most important things in my life, or else my current approach is going to kill me!

The timing of my trip to Alaska cannot be better timed.  I really love my life.  I love all that I have learned and I love the direction I am going.  However, I want to make some real course corrections for how I live my daily life.  I do live with chronic stress.  I have had many outside challenges, but there have also been a lot of internal ones as well:  I'm a chronic perfectionist who worries too much!  I hope this chance to be in the magical town of Skagway with a summer full of opportunities for adventuring all over the Alaskan and Canadian countryside will prove very healing.  And as I will be with my wonderful David, I know it will be.  :)

Alaska.

Can you BELIEVE it?! I am going to Alaska!!! This will be a summer adventure I will never forget. You know that feeling when you are right on the precipice? You are right on the verge of something. On the edge of the cliff. You know something GREAT is out there. You can't see it, but you can feel it. You're almost scared of it...but somehow, you know it's out there and that it's up to you to take the leap of faith. To jump. And then dive into that unknown with arms open wide. Because either one of two things will happen: you will fall, and there is always someone there to catch you, or you will fly. Between the two, I believe with all my heart that I am about to sprout wings!!! :)

The Journey

May the journey be merry,

though the road may be long.

May the load that you carry

pass away with this song.

May your dreams lie before you.

May your nightmares have end.

May Beauty surround you

and Love be your closest Friend.

May all this dark world be lighted on your way.

Know it shines for you, Love, for all you do and say.

The darkness will die

because you have The Light.

So into darkness you must ride;

On, to end this night.

So be courageous, strong, and unafraid:

I am ever at your side.

And when your heart starts to fail you,

Remember, I've already won your fight.

-a poem by moi-

Change.

I am one of those people who changes slowly, almost imperceptibly. At least I hope so, because that's what I'm banking on! ;)

I volunteered this semester with a women's eating disorder group called Fed Up With Food. It was an empowering group with many beautiful, strong women. Strong because they came up face to face with their weaknesses every day. Battled every day. And overcame, or failed only to rise up again every day. What character! What strength! These women were vulnerable, open, and honest about their triumphs and failures and every time they fell down, they kept getting back up...that takes a whole different kind of strength. I am honored to know them. As a "mentor," I learned so much through their miracles, courage, and positive change. I hope to keep that same spirit of progress as I enter into a new year.

2015 will be a different kind of year for me. 2014 was great, but it was a year fraught with great struggles, great failures, but ultimately great triumphs. However, I don't want a repeat! It was hard. So hard! When it's done it's done. No looking back. No doubts. I will just live and appreciate how far I've come. I am grateful that I get to begin each day fresh with no mistakes in it. I am grateful for a new year and a new beginning. 2015 will be a monumental year. Why? I choose to make it so. I am so grateful for God. For gratitude. For the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ which empowers me to repent and make the changes I want to make! That's all repentance is, the opportunity to make a change for the better. And who doesn't want that?! Who doesn't want to be a little happier, a little smarter, wiser, stronger, and everything-er?! In all my struggles I feel so close to Him. I feel His arms around me. I know I am not alone. The witness I have of my Savior Jesus Christ is so real. My testimony of Him is my greatest treasure and my greatest source of hope, strength, life, and light. I am so grateful to be His witness and declare unto the world the reality of His life, His light, and the power of His Atonement. He knows YOU. He knows what YOU struggle with every day and He knows YOU can overcome it, because He already did it for you. He knows YOUR hopes, and dreams, fears, failures and future successes. He wants YOU to be happy. He wants YOU to realize your full potential. And with Him, and with God nothing shall be impossible! But we have to make the effort to come unto Him. That's His commandment: "Come, follow me." That's it. Just start there. That's what I do.

So that's where I will start with my new year. I feel like this year I've come a long way in really shifting my paradigm of what I consider success. In how I view myself and others. In how I strive to live from day to day. But this is not enough. I am not content with a little change. I feel a great measure of happiness and life awaits me! I know I can be happier! Live more fully! I know that I can beat down the demons which rise up from time to time. But I know that I cannot do this alone. I don't really know where I want to begin. I don't really know what needs to change yet. But I know that as I simply move forward trusting in God that the way will be cleared and the answers will come. I know that because that's how my life has been thus far: a journey into the light through the dark! So onward and upward I go! :)

Heartbreak Hurts

I love love. But sometimes it hurts so much.

Sometimes a relationship doesn't work out. Sometimes there's no way to end things without both of you getting hurt. Sometimes there are things to be said that cannot be sugar-coated or friendly because there is no easy way to say it's over, we won't work out. And that hurts. It hurts to be hurt and it hurts to hurt others. I hate it. So does that mean I hate love? No. It just means that I love something so much that it is worth the hurt. Worth the pain. And worth the inconvenience, time, and vulnerability. It's worth it! And in the end it will always be worth it!

So keep on loving.

I'm Back Again!! :)

Long time, no see!!

Why, you may ask?

1. No one actually reads this blog.
2. It's been years since I've written in it which is because
3. I was serving a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!!!

Just in case anyone comes across this blog who does not know me, let me make a little introduction:

First off, I am weird. That's what my friends tell me and I'm sticking to it. They're right. I'm a little different. And that's why I tell you up front, because I want you to know me. The real me. So if you're not scared off by my honest account of myself than I guess we can keep going.

I grew up on Long Island (that's in New York), don't have the accent.
My family now lives in Jersey, still no accent.
And I am now going to school and working where I served my full-time, Spanish-speaking Mission: in the capital of all things weird and Mormon, UTAH!!! :) Why, because I am a crazy, life-loving Mormon Girl, that's why!!! :D

I am catering my remarks to many I heard all growing up. I've used the word "weird" to describe myself, and my faith, and "my people." But really, aren't we all just ourselves? And isn't being ourselves just normal? If the ability to just be my normal self is weird, than I guess weird I am and weird we are because we choose to live authentically.

There is nothing about me that isn't genuine. I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. I'm just trying to figure myself and this life out. So please take me as I am. :)

This is a picture of me with my family after getting home from my mission. My mission was my first and greatest dream come true:

The second is a mini-collage from when my little sister got married right after I got home in December (and after I played her the song I wrote for her on the occasion):

So this is the beginning of me.

What comes of this blog we'll continue to see.

:)

for all my fellow Jerseyites...