I want to do this...

Infatuate=Comes to Hate??

Okay. So the title is a little strong, but don't worry...I don't believe it. Completely. I originally wrote "Crushes" but changed it because the current title is more snappy, compelling, provocative...really, I just like hyperbole. Annnyywayyy...I sometimes wonder about whether crushes are a good thing or a bad thing.

When I first become infatuated with someone, I LOVE IT. However, I then become a little obsessed. Daydream with a little too much detail. Doodle the names of not just my intended, but every one of my future children, aka the dream dozen, complete with first, middle, second middle, last, and (for the girls) a second last. I might even visit the google search engine. A little FB time. A little YouTube to check out the favorite band of my beloved...which, guess what, I end up LOVING. What are the odds??

As you can imagine, this kind of it tends to gnaw at my heartstrings just a little. They initially play so frantically that by the next time I see the person, having married the person already in my heart...I mean, I have already had that a-ha moment where the lights descended, choirs of angels were singing, and I just knew that this was going to be the man I was to marry. I mean, he gave me a look. We had a connection. The future...let's just say it is certain. Oh yeah, so I see the guy again...and...I remember that we haven't really met yet. I know him. I know him so well. But he doesn't know me. That's okay. We can fix that. He may not be privy to what my heart has already told me, but hey, I'm sure we promised each other in heaven that we would come to this earth to be wed. I think it's time to remind him of this...I mean...come, isn't it only too obvious that we are MFEO??

The problem is...I...have...to...TALK to him?!?!?! :O

He is really nearby...he approaches.

I talk to someone else.

He starts talking to the same person I am talking to...

I run away.

He is right there again in the hall.

I grab the first girl I see and start talking to her...he starts talking to them to.

I run away again. Dang! She was sooo pretty. I'm sure he couldn't want to talk to me.

He is in an empty classroom preparing for his lesson and I walk in.

He greets me.

I awkwardly say "hello" and something else I cannot remember. Throw my stuff on the front chairs and run away to my best friend...who happens to be a guy. No mixed signals there.

I give up.

I decide crushes are not for me.

I will forget his name and go to church in my family ward again.

The end.

Pretty tragic, huh??

Do you want to know what inspired this blog entry?? I was about to go onto FB to check my updates, it has been AGES, but I didn't. I didn't want to go on because I didn't want to think of HIM because my heart is always open to the possibilities...which seems too painful to consider.

Besides the fact that when I start to think about him...all my desires and planning center around him. This would be great, except for the fact that I've only talked to this guy like twice and all we discussed were apples.

Ack. Okay. Now I have gotten it all out of my system and I can let go....I think. :P

Girl Scouts' New Anthem

At the end of every girl scouts troop meeting, we used to gather in a circle and sing a few songs.

I loved them! But I have a suggested alteration to some of the lyrics:

Day is done

Gone the sun

Let go of the day that has past

All is well

Safely rest

Time wont last

It is a hard thing to:

1. Not sweat the small stuff.

and

2. Realize that it is all small stuff.

I did nothing...all day long. :)

I don't know about you, but I always want to use my days off to jam every incredible idea I could ever imagine into 24-hours. The result??

Failure.

And this is the story of my entire life.

The end.

But I am going to try and review the facts of my day a little more objectively and re-evaluate my conclusions.

• I wake up and get Rachel off to school.
• I'd had a rough night so I go back to sleep until about 10am.
• I wanted to go for run, so I ate instead.
• And then I still wanted to go for a run, so I watched a movie.
• Actually, I watched a movie three times in a row.
• The movie was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." A classic. My goal is to watch it seven times before I have to return it to netflix. Oh, netflix...how I do love thee.
• I practiced the piano for a decent time period.
• Rachel comes home!! :D
• I began a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff"
• I played tennis with Pops. Or tried to. It turned into the most intense introductory lesson of tennis EVER. Here I was thinking that this was just a daddy-daughter date to the park and we were gonna bring some balls and hit them around with these racket things. But apparently this is A SPORT. Not just any sport, but the most serious, complicated, discipline demanding, strategy serving, full-time-job of a sport there is. Something that my seven-year-old tennis lessons did not prepare me for. I suppose there are just some things you cannot imagine or prepare for in childhood. Really, we did have a good time. :) I felt loved and special...even if a little resistant to his correction.
• We get home and the lesson CONTINUES. My mother and brother drive into the driveway and Matthew jumps out and comes bounding toward me...he's gonna show me a thing or two, Mr. Tennis Player-for-real. He's on the team and everything. But, again being resistant to all this correction, I start horsing around with him. I try to steal the SKLZ ball away from him. I do a feint as I run at him with my racket aloft. We wrestle for a few minutes and all of a sudden I lose my grip and fall back, giving him a pretty good whack on the forehead.
• Matthew now has a welt the size of a tennis ball...perhaps that is what I was subconsciously aiming for??
• We go out to Rita's for a treat. Matthew, Rachel, and I. Matthew gets a gelati. Rachel a custard. I get an italian ice. Rachel and I were going to have a make-shift gelati by combining forces. I held up my end of the bargain, but she decides that there is simply not enough custard for two people. In spite of this, she shares a bite. :)
• Some more family time.
• Rachel and I watch a Disney Channel movie.
• Help Rachel finish her homework.
• More piano.
• I laugh and text a couple friends on my cell phone for way too long.
• Waste time on the computer instead of sleeping.

New conclusion. It wasn't the days I planned, but it was not nothing. It was a good day. :)

April Fools Day

It snowed today.

I mean, come on...REALLY???

Mother Earth...you are so very funny.

I want the SPRING!! :D

I was glad it snowed though. I didn't have to worry about whether or not I was going to run this morning...I practiced the piano after Rachel left until it was time to leave for work.

It really was a tender mercy.

No decisions.

No guilt.

Nada.

:)

Thank You.

Favorites.

anyone who knows me knows that either:

a. I don't have any favorites.

or

b. I have TONS of favorites.

it all depends on my mood/how we are defining "favorite."

my favorite song of the day:

--the song is "Sink or Swim" by tyrone wells--

I first heard it on the radio at work.

I was inspired.

Love at first listen.

I hope you LOVE IT too...

be sure you read the lyrics!! :)

Caught in the middle of a crossfire
Lost my balance on a high wire
Trying to figure out what to do

Pushed to the edge of my reason
Everywhere around me it's treason
I don't want to do that to you

Kamikaze airplanes in the sky
Are we going down or will we fly?
This could be a shipwreck on the shore
Or we could sail away forevermore
This time it's sink or swim, sink or swim

Hearing the song in your laughter
A melody I chase after
No one else has done this to me

Kamikaze airplanes in the sky
Are we going down or will we fly?
This could be a shipwreck on the shore
Or we could sail away forevermore
This time it's sink or swim, sink or swim

Take a deep breath
No more time left
This is what I thought I wanted
Why am I afraid?

Kamikaze airplanes in the sky
Are we going down or will we fly?
This could be a shipwreck on the shore
Or we could sail away forevermore

Kamikaze airplanes in the sky
Are we going down or will we fly?
This could be a shipwreck on the shore
Or we could sail away forevermore
This time it's sink or swim, sink or swim...

BIG little STEPS

This morning I was going through a stack of papers when I came across a to-do list from the beginning of this year. Often times I make lists like this and never get around to many of my goals. Sometimes I have done nothing on these lists. This time it was different. I finished every goal.

• I got my car fixed. Registered. Insured. And have been driving it for a month and a half.
• I not only applied at Walgreens but have been working there since the beginning of February.
• I went to the temple and made special promises as I took the next step on my spiritual journey.
• I began piano lessons a few weeks ago with Wendy McNiven. AMAZINGNESS.
• I am again attending my "conventional ward" with my family. I am again the Sunbeam teacher! :)

I only made these five goals in January because I wanted to be able to actually accomplish them.

And I did!! :D

They may seem small, but every single one of these was a pretty big step. The way was filled with many little obstacles. The kind of pebbles that easily beset me. But victory was mine. Though not mine alone.

I feel grateful. Encouraged. Inspired.

Like the little engine that could.

"Though our outward man perish,

yet the inward man is renewed day by day."

2 Corinthians 4:16

I will continue to walk a little taller.