lessons about lecturing

i don't like being lectured.

i don't know if it some kind of repressed inner rebellious, oppositionally defiant nature, but when people begin to lecture me...the following reactions may occur:

a. i shut down

b. i become very defensive

c. i become a little impassioned and more defensive...even offensive

d. i am pierced to my very core as i know the lecturer is correct and that i am an utter and complete failure.

e. i begin to cry

one of my great weaknesses in this life seems to be a propensity for reactionary over-reaction.

a family trait.

a common human malady.

and yet, i am making strides.

i am learning how to step

away

from the situation emotionally and examine it...

"what is really happening?"

i began doing this when experiencing some very dark, highly troubling nightmares. the result was very illuminating. yes, these dreams have been dark and scary, but what are they trying to tell me? with a little bit of distance and closer reflection the messages found in these dreams were very profound. and very personal. in so doing i came to be grateful for these nightmares.

so too am i endeavoring to apply this with every situation i am in.

however, i still find myself very hurt when being lectured. i feel talked down to. the lectures (whether at work, school, or home) tend to go on and on and i become verrrry overwhelmed...this is when i begin to shut down. my defense mechanisms go up because i am trying my very best. i give all of my heart and soul into what i do. when this is criticized, whoever lectures me is calling all that i am into question. this is hurtful to the heart of a girl who is already questioning herself and feeling that her offerings are not enough.

my conclusion is that lecturing is counter-productive. as is an emotionally reactive response.

there is a middle ground that must be found.

or rather, a higher plane.

for we are not seeking to simply to find a 50-50 give and take solution.

but as michael scott would say, "we are seeking not for win-win, but win-win-WIN."

we are seeking to learn and grow and enlarge our souls.

a lecturer can always find a better way to express and communicate himself more clearly. with more love. to show criticism in more constructive ways. show them that what they have done is not simply "all wrong," for you must find the good in what they are already doing. once you have affirmed the good, can then lead them to see that there is a better way.

when teaching someone in this way it will be hard to give hurt or offense.

the lecturee must humble himself. true humility where one listens with open ears and open minds. so we must listen with all of our senses. and listen with the desire and sincere intention to improve. with the belief that the person speaking to us has something to offer.

and they do.

everyone who we come into contact with has a unique vantage point.

a different vision.

it is only as we all combine our visions that we can begin to see clearly.

when allowing ourselves to be taught this way, seeking to truly improve, then no matter the teacher...we will become better.

p.s. as we have witnessed with my emotional reactiveness, an open heart alone can lead to heartbreak if a mind is already bias, as i am against myself ;P

so we must try to see ourselves clearly. stoically, if need be. for we are neither all good nor all bad. we must accept and love the good and try to improve those weaknesses and flaws that we identify in ourselves. we are simply mortal beings. humans who are subject and influenced by the desires of the flesh and the deepest yearnings of our spirits. how we react to these influences is what defines us. and as we make something of ourselves we will not merely seek to be influenced for good, but influencer's of the great.

we are works in progress.

you cannot judge the work, until it is finished.

take heart.

you can still be what you might have been.