Recapturing Beauty

I had the opportunity to go to a fireside sponsored by the Recapturing Beauty campaign the Women's Services and Resources at BYU is running. The speaker was Stephanie Nielson, an incredible plane crash survivor. She entitled her story as "Finding & Loving Your Beauty."

Stephanie and her husband were involved in a very severe plane crash a little over two years ago. She and her husband both survived, with severe burns all over their arms legs, face, and body. Their friend Doug, who was in the plane with them, were not so lucky. However, the word "lucky" is not a word that everyone would use. She was three months in a coma and several months covered from head to toe in bandages as doctors were continually performing reconstructive and skin grafting surgeries. Surgeries which are not over with even now. With over 84% of her body covered in burns, the body that Stephanie once knew as her own was lost. Unrecognizable. She did not know herself. Her children did not know her.

She let us into her miraculous journey of pain and discovery. Of coming to understand just how sacred and amazing our bodies are...even when they're not perfect! That who we are on the inside, the beauty from your own light, this is who we are.

"Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day."
2 Corinthians 4:16

I was honored to be in the presence of such an elect lady. Not many could bear the trial she was entrusted with. With the severity of the crash and her injuries she should not have survived. But she did. Stephanie now reaches out and blesses so many with her example and love. She has so much courage. So much faith. So much resolve and strength and endurance. Stephanie is happy. Stephanie is hopeful. Stephanie is full of life and light.

I hope I can be a little more like Stephanie Nielson.

If you want to find out more about Stephanie and her story check out her blog:

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/

This is a short video of Stephanie's story:

My-New-Life

MAD tv - Bon Qui Qui at King Burger

Watch this and you will know JUST HOW MUCH FUN I have with my sisters and cousins!! :D

WARNING: YOU'LL BE JEALOUS!!! (in a good way!)

The Man Across The Street

There was a man who lived across the street from my family at Smith Avenue. He had a beautiful, green, well-kept yard. A driveway which he would keep very black. A lovely little garden. And he was very much alone. He had no one to share his beautiful little porch with.

Year after year this aging yet agile retiree would be diligently tending to the upkeep of his little life. Year after year the still-black driveway was preserved by the ominous absence of tire tracks and visiting cars. In fact, the driveway was completed vacated and the garage rarely saw it's one object, his own car, leave it's shelter. To my young mind, I could see nothing so wasteful as an empty driveway. Didn't he know that he could have really maximized my roller-blading space? I wasn't allowed to go out into the street but if he would only let me use his driveway... However, in the driveway's emptiness there was something infinitely more painful to me than a lack of roller-blading turf. Who needs skinned knees anyway?

The years passed and my sisters and I finally introduced ourselves. I don't even remember how the first meeting happened. We might have brought him cookies or a note or we might simply have walked up to him in his yard. I do remember that my grandmother broke the ice. From that time onward my family gradually became acquainted with him. We came to realize that he was simply a shy but sweet man who's family either lived far away or had departed from this life. A little more time wore on. As the once agile man was now ailing he came to confide to us that he was dying. He had brain cancer. I will never forget just how touched he was when we brought over my mom's amazing homemade chicken noodle soup and fresh rolls, kind and encouraging note, flowers, or some other thoughtful gesture. He proved to be just as thoughtful in return of his gratitude.

It didn't take him long to die. I remember that from the time I knew that this sweet old man was alone I took him into my heart. I only wish that he could have known that he was home with me. I wish he could have known that he was my dear adopted grandpa. I wish that we both could have overcome our mutual shyness so as to allow each other into our lives more fully. I would have loved to sit and listen to stories of his life. I like to think he would have been happy to tell them. But I didn't. And he didn't. And there is always a little twinge to my heartstrings when I think of what might have been.

I don't want to regret. I don't want to look back and think "what might have been." I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. We can't dwell or harrow up the past any longer than it takes for us to learn from it.

Life's an interesting adventure which can only be understood looking backwards, but must be lived going forwards. I hope my backwards searching will prove to propel me forward with my course being slightly straighter with correction. When the road is less traveled, it can take a little more time to clear away the roughage.

Pushing Daisies...

Pushing Daisies where did you go?

Don't you know we love you so?! :)

Somehow little Rachel discovered Pushing Daisies when she was browsing my netflix cue. Of her own admonition she fell in love, I didn't even THINK of suggesting it, and so for the past week she wants to watch little else during her T.V. time. If only they had gotten to a season 3...

Mother Theresa

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

Disappointed.

I am not running the St. George marathon this next weekend and it breaks my heart! I have had a combination of injuries, lack of consistent training, and an extinguished motivation. Lately, I feel as if all of my motivation for everything has died. I know I could run it...but I just don't have the will to feel miserable for 3.5 to 4 hours. I have been waiting to do this run for YEARS. I guess I will just have to wait a little longer. I hope to begin running consistently again soon. I refuse to push too hard anymore...it is painful, wearying, and counterproductive (remember the injuries?). No fractured hips, ruined knees, or long-term hatred of running. I LOVE RUNNING and I refuse to ruin that by a few bad months. I lived and breathed to run this marathon so I must live and breathe to run once more.

That is all.

Let's Play Tennis!!

I attended my cousin Lauren's Tennis match today and I got excited. I relived the glory days of my summer tennis lessons which were held at the park behind Town Hall West. My famous faint where I awoke in the arms of my way cute tennis instructor...we were only 20 years apart. He was 28 and I was a mature 8-year-old. I was even bidden to drink from his water bottle which he had already been USING!! It was definitely true love.

Wake up! Lauren's Tennis Match. Well played...except that poor Lauren hurt her ankle very badly and there was no accommodating 28-year-old tennis super-hero to save her. My poor, dear, brave cousin. She bore it well.

I hope you will play tennis with me Lauren. If I am ever to find true love again...I must play TENNIS!!!

I remember him looking something like this:

Swimming Memories

I was adding a picture to my post about lifeguarding when I came across this picture:

...there's a story with this! :)

When I was a little girl I swam competitively for a number of years. Michael Reilly, a boy who was a year younger than me, became a best friend. He and his dear mother, Jane, had these two HUGE Newfoundland dogs, the one in the picture is the exact likeness of Blue. It must be understood that Newfoundland dogs originate from Newfoundland, Canada where they were taken out on fishing boats and used as living life-preservers. If a fisherman were to go overboard in those treacherous and freezing waters, the dog would jump overboard and swim out to the victim and bring him back.

Apparently, this life-saving swimming is an instinct that I got to experience for myself in the canal behind Michael's house. Mike and I would swim out to the middle of the canal and the dogs would swim out after us and "save" us as they would have us grab onto them and then proceed to swim us to the shore...only to begin all over again! :)

Other amazing memories and random memories from the swimming days in no particular order: Rita's Gelati's; Igloo's Italian Ices; Carvel Ice Cream, (yes...I know what your saying: THESE GUYS CAN EAT! And we did!!); Jane's Red Bug; Grandpa W. and Jane Reilly's famous friendship; long philosophical talks with Jane on the way back from swimming (Jane always called me an old soul); Mike and I taking turns with front seats; Mike thinking I had RED hair when it was wet--I was HIGHLY indignant; Michael Reilly constantly arising my indignation; swim meets which began at 5am; smelling always of chlorine; Michael and I always racing each other and being competitive...there might have been a time when I could beat Mike, but that passed LOOOONG AGO; touch football in the front yard; tackle football in the front yard; Cat being IN LOVE with Mike; me being in love with Mike and refusing to acknowledge it; John Del Gaizo "Del" being his delightful and polite self when he would carpool with us...Mike and I ALWAYS got the biggest sizes when we went to Rita's or Carvel while Del would get the smallest and would be full of delightful conversation in the car; spending weekends at Mike's manor house; Mike and Jane staying at the Smith Avenue house; Coach Kropp who was strict yet kind, white hair and a cropped haircut, a wife who coached the diving team, and a guy who knew how to get rid of a charlie-horse; Coach Tom who was passionate with flaming red hair and a soul full of goodness; starting blocks; sprints; butterfly, backstroke, breastroke, freestyle, IM's; Eisenhower Olympic training center with the most AMAZING diving pool and all sorts of AMAZINGNESS; Speedo swimsuits; guys who would shave or wax their ENTIRE bodies; my first event ever at a meet being backstroke and I swam in circles because the ceiling was circular...I think I was eight; waiting for hours to be picked up from swim meets or practices; Jeanette, my mom's co-worker, picking me up in her AMAZING open-door, bright yellow JEEP; goggles, swim caps; girls locker room; Sayville high school; Britney and her older sister Christine, Jenna, Mary-Beth; annual Islip Aquatics pasta dinners; when first trying out for the team I was asked to swim the butterfly, which I had never been taught, but as I had watched the '96 Olympics...I was able to do it, it might have been my best stroke; all the amazing swimming suits, accessories, and other aquatic paraphernalia that was sold in the hallways...oh, and there was food too! :); bagels and cream cheese, gold fish, candy...I supplied the team well with energy; GATORADE; the day I graduated to the fastest lane in the pool; team pictures; junior olympics; McDonalds' Big Macs; the dark-haired, five or six years older than me Michael...so CUTE!; Michael's dad pointing out my over-use of filler words such as "like"...a habit which I have yet to overcome to this day; Michael's dad's big red pick-up (yes...the Reilly's liked RED); Michael's dad smelling always of cigarette's and cigar's; Jane's divorce; Jane and Michael moving to Scotland; Mike going off to boarding school; Michael's dad passing away; Jane and Michael Reilly becoming members of the Wanlass family because of Islip Aquatics! Thanks! :)

I'm OFFICIALLY a Lifeguard!! :D

me.

Over the summer I began to feel these little nudges telling me: "you LOVE the water, you should be a lifeguard," "you miss swimming so much, you should convert your water skills into some kind of a job," "you LOVE children, you LOVE the water and children+water=swim instructor...why not??"

I ended up finding a swimming instructor position at a pool not too far from my house. The job was mine as long as I got my lifeguard certification. So I spent a four-day weekend in a grueling/exhilarating lifeguard certification class. As luck would have it, I have yet to "connect" with the pool about starting swim instructor position. In the meantime, I found a gym which needed another lifeguard. I signed on with them. It turns out it was a good idea! :)

Lovely people. Nice free gym membership. Fewer hours, allowing time for my music. And I get to smell chlorine every day I work. Does life get better than sitting by a pool while you smile encouragingly at people?? (Wow! That doesn't sound creepy?! :P)

The Dentist.

I had a dentist appointment today. In preparation for it I have been listening to "Dental Care" by Owl City all week. Luckily, the dentist did not scream and lose his patience...my hygienist attended to me! :)

What were my results you may ask? I am CAVITY FREE!! :D

I also had the usual praises for my beautiful teeth Apparently they are just the size and shape that they ought, and I have a beautiful bite (thank you braces!). And yes...the above smile is most certainly mine...or at least should be. Alas that I never went into teeth modeling!

Oh, and I have learned that I can NEVER drink soda again. I had always understood the drinking of soda to be harmful to the teeth because of the sugar and resulting cavities. BUT IT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THAT!! Apparently, the reason why any carbonated drink is so harmful, whether it be Root Beer, Coke Zero, or Seltzer Water, is that the carbonation is acidic. When the carbonation is then combined with the acidity of the stomach...the result is a burb! The acidity then enters into mouth saliva and wears away the enamel of the teeth!! :O

And THAT, my dear friends, is why soda is bad!

So...remember to brush and floss or you can kiss that smile goodbye!! ;P

Question: Who burns pancakes??

Answer: I do.

I love food and am attempting to refine my culinary craft. However, I have come to realize that cooking requires more focus than I sometimes exert. For example, Rachel's first pancake:




...Never FEAR!! I do intend to learn well from my mistakes.

Time will tell how well I learn my lessons.

P.S. Sarah I will upload the recipes I have been promising for AGES in my next post! :)

Can you be addicted to lotion??

I have told many people of what I call "my lotion addiction." I have a constant need, a constant desire to keep my hands moisturized. What would I do without the lubrication of Lubridurm? The cure of Curel? The alleviation that Aveeno brings? I clearly demonstrate symptoms of withdrawal as my dry or just-washed hands begin to crave, to thirst for lotion.

But sometimes I wonder if these symptoms are psychological or if they are simply due to the physical phenomena of dry skin? Is it really possible to be addicted to lotion?

Blogging

I signed into my blog account and had "Becca" thoughts running through my head all ready to be shared when the screen urged me to make certain additions to my posting options, including a reaction section. Being the curious and easily diverted person that I am, I was persuaded to peruse the new gadgetry. I am excited to add the reaction buttons...but will probably need a week to decide what reactions I will let you have! ;P

I am now looking at the randomness of my blog and wondering "what am I doing with this??" I did not have any kind of clear idea or vision as to what I wanted to do with the blog when I first began. At the time, I was overwhelmed with the division I felt from so many that are so near and dear to me. I can't obsessively write letters to every single person every day, though I sometimes wish I could. I thought blogging would be a good way for me to keep in contact. I thought it would be a good way for me to share my thoughts and feelings and where I am. I thought it would be a good way to share myself, as I cannot always be with those who I hope are reading this. The result: chaos and failure.

Never fear. I know I have not really failed. Thomas Edison said "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." And...

this won't work.

One down. 9,999 to go!

Okay, okay...so I was being a little dramatic but I truly am distressed. I want to have a blog that reflects me but that isn't crazy! Is this even possible? Also, I just found out that there is a Stats tab where I can see who reads this which only confirmed the fact that NOBODY reads this!

Sad.

Oh well. I wouldn't want to read my blog either. Lies, yes I would. But I do want change so...Back to the drawing board. We are going to revamp the Rambling style as we examine what Rebecca likes about blogging! :)

Likes:

-I like to share myself and express myself. To put my crazy self "out there."

-I love to keep in contact with those that I love!! I blog to this end which helps me to maintain a connection with at least the few people who read it. Hopefully this number will grow over time!

-I simply love writing!! :) How wonderful to choose a topic and orient and focus my creative and expressive energies around a certain idea for a time. It helps to clear the mind and helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of things. That is what writing does for me when I take the time and allow myself the time and freedom to really write. My posts would say otherwise! :/ I don't allow the time or am not in a "place" where I can effectively go through this wonderful process...but hopefully I will be able to improve my writing throughout this blog!

-I like creative outlets. I like variety. I like technology and innovation. And I apparently like to ruin my eyes using computers!

-Blogging is an "in thing!!" How cool am I?? ;)

Dislikes:

-Consistency is NOT one of my strong points and this blog sorely exposes this! :/

(HOWEVER, this is something that I am REALLY working on and I hope to allow blogging to assist me in my quest)

-I am not in the same "place" from day to day, or from minute to minute. What I think and feel at one moment might not be true at another. I then have to cringe at certain posts.

-I have a hard time finishing my posts with the result of half-formed posts or not posting at all.

-Some posts were merely a regurgitation of an assortment thoughts/feelings all thrown chaotically together.

-I simply love writing and was once highly praised for having some talent for it by former writing teachers...but I am afraid my writing on this blog has been very poor thus far.

-I feel as if I am constantly humiliating myself with this blog!

So what do we do?? We begin again! :)

What I hope to accomplish by this Blog:

-To have fun and look forward to every post.

-To have a focus for each entry and a theme for the blog.

-To improve my writing.

-To start proofreading.

-To reach out.

-To share and express who I am (even though I haven't finished discovering this!).

-To allow people in my life, my journey.

-To shed some light into my attic...as dusty and messy as it is! ;)

-To keep myself completely open, even though people will judge.

Julianne Baird, my former voice teacher, told me that 'the weaknesses and mistakes we make in music are reflective of our lives in general.' I will take this a step further. Who we are will reflect in everything we say, think, feel, do. Unfortunately (and FORTUNATELY :) ) who we are, what we are trying to become is a lifelong journey and the nature of humanity is change. Some moments of our lives will magnify that divine person we are becoming, or trying our darndest to become. Some moments will not. Some moments will show just how weak, frail, helpless, and pathetic we humans are alone.

We all have so many expectations about what our lives are supposed to look like. I know I did. But life is not really about what we do, it is about what we become. As with music, what we become will reflect in all we do. Oh, the circles of life! :)

I am a late bloomer. I am still trying to figure out this life. I am still trying to figure out just who I really am.

I never expected at age 22 to have yet to complete my bachelors. To have yet to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To be at home.

But I have not failed! I have found 10,000 ways that won't work!

Although my life does not look like others or share the same time line, it is pretty sweet! :) And this is what I hope to share with you: MY WONDERFUL LIFE!! With all of its twists and turns and bumps and typos.

And let's also remember that life works in mysterious ways. What may seem a stumbling block might really be a stepping stone!

Question: So what do I really want to do with this blog??

Answer: I don't know yet. But I'll let you know when I do! :)