Blogging

I signed into my blog account and had "Becca" thoughts running through my head all ready to be shared when the screen urged me to make certain additions to my posting options, including a reaction section. Being the curious and easily diverted person that I am, I was persuaded to peruse the new gadgetry. I am excited to add the reaction buttons...but will probably need a week to decide what reactions I will let you have! ;P

I am now looking at the randomness of my blog and wondering "what am I doing with this??" I did not have any kind of clear idea or vision as to what I wanted to do with the blog when I first began. At the time, I was overwhelmed with the division I felt from so many that are so near and dear to me. I can't obsessively write letters to every single person every day, though I sometimes wish I could. I thought blogging would be a good way for me to keep in contact. I thought it would be a good way for me to share my thoughts and feelings and where I am. I thought it would be a good way to share myself, as I cannot always be with those who I hope are reading this. The result: chaos and failure.

Never fear. I know I have not really failed. Thomas Edison said "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." And...

this won't work.

One down. 9,999 to go!

Okay, okay...so I was being a little dramatic but I truly am distressed. I want to have a blog that reflects me but that isn't crazy! Is this even possible? Also, I just found out that there is a Stats tab where I can see who reads this which only confirmed the fact that NOBODY reads this!

Sad.

Oh well. I wouldn't want to read my blog either. Lies, yes I would. But I do want change so...Back to the drawing board. We are going to revamp the Rambling style as we examine what Rebecca likes about blogging! :)

Likes:

-I like to share myself and express myself. To put my crazy self "out there."

-I love to keep in contact with those that I love!! I blog to this end which helps me to maintain a connection with at least the few people who read it. Hopefully this number will grow over time!

-I simply love writing!! :) How wonderful to choose a topic and orient and focus my creative and expressive energies around a certain idea for a time. It helps to clear the mind and helps me organize my thoughts and make sense of things. That is what writing does for me when I take the time and allow myself the time and freedom to really write. My posts would say otherwise! :/ I don't allow the time or am not in a "place" where I can effectively go through this wonderful process...but hopefully I will be able to improve my writing throughout this blog!

-I like creative outlets. I like variety. I like technology and innovation. And I apparently like to ruin my eyes using computers!

-Blogging is an "in thing!!" How cool am I?? ;)

Dislikes:

-Consistency is NOT one of my strong points and this blog sorely exposes this! :/

(HOWEVER, this is something that I am REALLY working on and I hope to allow blogging to assist me in my quest)

-I am not in the same "place" from day to day, or from minute to minute. What I think and feel at one moment might not be true at another. I then have to cringe at certain posts.

-I have a hard time finishing my posts with the result of half-formed posts or not posting at all.

-Some posts were merely a regurgitation of an assortment thoughts/feelings all thrown chaotically together.

-I simply love writing and was once highly praised for having some talent for it by former writing teachers...but I am afraid my writing on this blog has been very poor thus far.

-I feel as if I am constantly humiliating myself with this blog!

So what do we do?? We begin again! :)

What I hope to accomplish by this Blog:

-To have fun and look forward to every post.

-To have a focus for each entry and a theme for the blog.

-To improve my writing.

-To start proofreading.

-To reach out.

-To share and express who I am (even though I haven't finished discovering this!).

-To allow people in my life, my journey.

-To shed some light into my attic...as dusty and messy as it is! ;)

-To keep myself completely open, even though people will judge.

Julianne Baird, my former voice teacher, told me that 'the weaknesses and mistakes we make in music are reflective of our lives in general.' I will take this a step further. Who we are will reflect in everything we say, think, feel, do. Unfortunately (and FORTUNATELY :) ) who we are, what we are trying to become is a lifelong journey and the nature of humanity is change. Some moments of our lives will magnify that divine person we are becoming, or trying our darndest to become. Some moments will not. Some moments will show just how weak, frail, helpless, and pathetic we humans are alone.

We all have so many expectations about what our lives are supposed to look like. I know I did. But life is not really about what we do, it is about what we become. As with music, what we become will reflect in all we do. Oh, the circles of life! :)

I am a late bloomer. I am still trying to figure out this life. I am still trying to figure out just who I really am.

I never expected at age 22 to have yet to complete my bachelors. To have yet to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To be at home.

But I have not failed! I have found 10,000 ways that won't work!

Although my life does not look like others or share the same time line, it is pretty sweet! :) And this is what I hope to share with you: MY WONDERFUL LIFE!! With all of its twists and turns and bumps and typos.

And let's also remember that life works in mysterious ways. What may seem a stumbling block might really be a stepping stone!

Question: So what do I really want to do with this blog??

Answer: I don't know yet. But I'll let you know when I do! :)